Fck Yo Couch Fool!
When you look at JD Vance and his couch, David Cameron and his pig, and Donald Trump (with Clinton + Gates) on Epstein's Island you have to wonder: what's with power and outré sex stuff?
TRIGGER WARNING: There’s a photo of a fake penis above, as well as the photographer’s ex, and lots of mentions of sex filth below. Courtesy of the media and everyone running for president in 2024.
There was an old feature in The New Yorker. It was a profile of once and future porn great TT Boy. It talked about his hardscrabble background, how it informed his work ethic. It legitimized, to a certain degree, that sex work was work and tried it’s best to not get caught up in the kind of filthy sneering that turns most of us into junior high schoolers wherever sex is mentioned.
The part that stuck though is when they characterized pornography as being the only field of endeavor in the modern world that’s as successful as it is while being totally bereft of irony. This was food for thought saying as it did that not having a sense of its own ridiculousness is what significantly marked our production and consumption of pornography.
Beyond that, and other avenues of sexual expression, it is clear that that which is closest to our vests is that which we are least likely to have any sort of reasonable perspective on. But the perspective we do have, shot through as it is, a prism of recent political reporting, tells us a woeful tale about, well, us. More than that it underscores a terrible dishonesty that we should feel honor bound to stop.
…[W]hile the Republicans in America seem to be especially prone to weird sexual repressions — we’re looking at you Lindsey Graham, Tim Scott, and Rand Paul — this might be, truly, a both sides issue…
Witness: the now much touted (and possibly untrue) reports of vice presidential contender JD Vance fucking his couch. The claim, which he, in fact, gave birth to through some of his writing is about stuffing the space between his couch cushions in advance of him fucking said cushions. As a masturbatory turn it’s not quite ingenious but given that I had once tried to have sex with a vacuum cleaner, unclear at the time of what a blowjob actually was, it’s something to try to own. One heart beat away from the presidency as well.
And instead of owning it, aggressively, by claiming like Christ did, sort of, that any one among us who had not tried to have sex with their couch should throw the first stone, he’s ignoring it. Very much like former British Prime Minister David Cameron who was widely and publicly accused of sticking his penis in the mouth of a dead pig as part of some British school weirdness. With a page from the Yalies’ Skull and Bones protocol he just kept on keeping on whenever this came up.
Will no one save us from these meddlesome deniers?
Where, oh where, is the one who will stand up, hands gripping the lectern and claim as we need this person to do: “SO…you GOT me!”?
Donald Trump comes the closest. Like a squid, in a blurry blast of black ink he redirects, diffuses, denies, sometimes all in the same breath, almost causing you to forget he’s been convicted of sexual assaulting a woman or flying to Jeffrey Epstein’s Pedophile Island no fewer than 71 times. Come for the cheese, stay for the pedophilia!
And that’s become progressively easier to do when that net gets flung far and wide and catches not unlikely bedfellows like Bill Gates and Bill Clinton. Do we even need to mention Stephen Hawking too? I guess we just did.
All of which cause me to wonder: what the fuck is wrong with y’all?
Moreover it makes me suspiciously uncomfortable with the connections between power and sexual perversion. [Point of note here: sexual perversion is here that sexual proclivity that’s not CLAIMED and OWNED openly.] A casual perusal of the apotheosis of political power and sexual perversion had to be (for those fans of The Eugene S Robinson Show Stomper, please get ready to continue the drinking game you’ve started and get ready to take a drink) the Nazis. Nazi propaganda was rife with not just sexual undertones but also sexual overtones.
…[Y]ou’d have to realize and embrace our own ridiculousness as we pursue, non-ironically, our ends like Wile E Coyote, heedless of the fact that in the end there’s nothing special about our particular brand of kink.
How do we know? Because for the first time in human history antisemitism framed itself along biological lines. You couldn’t convert your way out of it like during The Inquisition. It was in your blood, and if it was in your blood, it was passed the only way that things in the blood are passed. By fucking.
And do we even need to point out what’s been claimed: that the Nazis got a lot of their understanding of how Jews should be removed, or relegated out of public life, from America’s Jim Crow laws? Laws that themselves were heavily redolent in Black cock fear?
It’s hard to not sound like a sexy Alex Jones here but it all starts to add up.
Do you know that Abe Lincoln, the winner of the Civil War against Black cock, taking a page from JD Vance’s book, used to swaddle his and a friend of his thighs in towels, which they would then slide their penises between until orgasm? That he was a wrestler as well, proves nothing to me that the towel story didn’t already tell me.
The list goes on. The Japanese attacks on China resulted in The Rape of Nanking. Don’t think there’s a connection between that and the current state of non-ironic Japanese porn? Well, you’d be wrong.
And while the Republicans in America seem to be especially prone to weird sexual repressions — we’re looking at you Lindsey Graham, Tim Scott, and Rand Paul — this might be, truly, a both sides issue if you consider Carlos Danger and, oh hell why mince words, Bill Clinton?
It really makes you long for that which we’re still waiting to see and what Diogenes was busting his ass trying to find: one honest person with a proclivity for power and outré sexual leanings who will proudly proclaim such even before they are caught.
But to do that you’d have to realize and embrace our own ridiculousness as we pursue, non-ironically, our ends, like Wile E Coyote, heedless of the fact that in the end there’s nothing special about our particular brand of kink. In the videotapes that were gathered from serial sex slaughterer Leonard Lake, along with Charlie Chi-tat Ng, one of the soon-to-be-dead victims can be heard, through the gristle of pain and blood, asking them WHY, why Lake and Ng were doing this.
Off camera you can hear, if you’re unfortunate enough to have viewed these tapes, Ng say, very simply: “Because we hate you.”
Which is exactly what I think when my news feed, an algorithm determined by what I’ve already chosen to read, fills itself with stories about couch fucking, pig fucking, Olympic village cocks on polevaulters, every one in the world’s OnlyFans pages, topless celebrities and Kanye West’s wife’s tits.
That’s why they’re doing this to me. Because they hate me. They must.
So when they said that what the world needs now is love, sweet, love, it’s clear that they almost got it right. But more than ever what we’re needing it seems, what the world needs, I believe, is to embrace the irony that this much energy spent on this narrow a field of human endeavor is a colossal waste of time.
Now if you excuse me…I have a vacuum cleaner to clean.
AND here are the REAL DATES and links for tickets. More to follow…..
08/21/2024 Washington DC @ Black Cat - TICKETS
08/22/2024 Brooklyn NY @ TV Eye - FREE SHOW [But note. There ARE…VIP Tickets for this HERE.]
08/24/2024 Boston MA @ O’Brien’s - TICKETS VIP ADD-ON
08/25/2024 Providence RI @ Askew - TICKETS
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Might you consider giving it a review in either of those places?
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If you already have one and want it signed? Bring it on over to any of the above shows. I’ll do it. And might even spell your name correctly when I do.
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