The 2023 OXBOW Show Survival Guide

A primer on how to not find yourself waking up more than once a day this Fall.

Let’s make sure our senses of humor align before joke time. Here’s OXBOW having a laugh. Inside. At your expense. (Photo by Phil Sharp)

I blame Lydia. Sort of. I’m sure it was an offhanded, extemporaneous riff on something or another but it stuck in my head like these things tend to do.

“I consider myself free to express my opinion as to whether a band sucks or not even while the band is playing,” she said. “Since that seems to be what my ticket buys me.”

“YOU SUCK!” A band was opening for Killing Joke, and despite the impatience that was being felt at having to endure a wait before getting to who we really came to see, this band was truly terrible. And I was without mercy. I could see it was having an effect, and while I took no delight in specifically making the band miserable I was taking delight in expressing an opinion.

Right up until the bouncers descended and beat the FUCK out of…the GUY in front of me. A woman, someone I had never met before but who I had chatted with briefly, fired by this great injustice, started to scream at the bouncers.

“IT WAS HIM!!!” She pointed to me. While shocked and appalled at her turncoating I was otherwise impassive and the bouncers didn’t recognize me as the shocking threat that had caused them to beat an innocent man out of his desire to see Killing Joke.

To me this had become an analog for life though. Beyond that, and now some decades hence, I have come to a very different conclusion regarding the role of contemporaneous criticism. Specifically as it applies to me and my singing endeavors in both OXBOW and, well, of course, BUNUEL.

This much is clear though: you should consider an OXBOW show as much of a life and death proposition as we feel it to be.

While the price of the ticket still guarantees you some right of free expression vis-à-vis YouSuck-saying, at such point as you realize the headliner, in this case maybe OXBOW, will not get any less suckier, you should then seek remedy by way of getting your money back. This will allow you to return home in very much the same state as when you left it.

However…standing in place and repeating over and over again, as I was, that the band on stage sucks is not seeking a remedy. It’s an act of an enemy of art and enemies will be summarily dismissed. This is much preferred over giving them the car keys and letting their tastes prevail in a room full of people with widely divergent (you DON’T suck, perhaps) takes.

Beyond that other enemy activities involve

1] throwing ice, lit (or unlit) cigarettes, beer bottles (empty or full), spit (we’re looking at you Bradford, and Camden)

2] calling me names that would result in you catching a beating in any other circumstance (we’re looking at you Austin, Texas and your audience member who thought screaming “Buckwheat” at me was a HOOT)

3] grabbing and squeezing my testicles and penis with all of your earthly might (we’re looking at you Bristol. You and the guy who got knocked out for his troubles for this stunt) is not a date night gambit

4] masturbating in my general direction (we’re looking at you Osaka, Japan) after jumping on stage and keeping your back to the women playing support for us for almost the entirety of their set and, finally,

5] tucking your penis and testicles between your legs to simulate a vagina and then climbing on stage to try to pull off some spastic watusi (we’re looking at you Leicester).

This is only a partial list and should include enemy of art misdemeanors as well.

Like?

Like whistling during quiet/plangent parts of songs, talking loudly during same about anything unrelated to any part of the song, asking to hear “Freebird” (this hasn’t been funny since 1981) and pulling on any piece of equipment used to make music that we’re using to make the music you paid us to make.

Those eagle eyed among you might have noted that the crimes, as they were, had mostly occurred in the United Kingdom. Make of this what you would. If you were to ask, I’d say it came from an unyielding desire to discover whether we take what we’re doing as seriously as it seems like we take what we’re doing. If multiple ass kickings have failed to convince you, know this: as our music has sometimes gotten more quiet and contemplative, our desire to have it understood as such has increased exponentially.

Which is to say, paradoxically, you’re more likely to come to harm during the gentle and gently expressed then you are anything uptempo. Maybe it’s the feels. Maybe it’s the years it took to extinguish any sense of humor we might have had about what we do. This much is clear though: you should consider an OXBOW show as much of a life and death proposition as we feel it to be.

That, or stand way in the back. Where we can’t see you. And I, most certainly, can’t get my hands on you.

We’re just trying to keep people from getting hurt. And I’m not necessarily talking about feelings.

I know this vibes like a warning, which it sort of is, but more than that it is a hope that we can level set expectations on both sides. So that everyone has some “fun”.

“If you even GET CLOSE to the stage this guy will kill you!”

It was Rich Burnette, tour manager for Zeni Geva at the time, to an audience of people in Hamburg. Context-free as it was, it achieved his desired end: the audience was terrified out of doing anything while we played. Moreover, they stood five feet back from the stage. It was a perfect kind of sabotage, this cooling of enthusiasm, so it is necessary to now indicate that it is our belief that expression is generally welcome and good.

As is enthusiasm. Sing alongs or singing along. Dancing. Sobbing. Smiling. Or plaintive cries of “I LOVE YOU!” All abet the art and mark you as a friend of the art you’re abetting.

Which is to say we’re not all killjoys. Live music is one of the more sublime joys and after a few years of not being able to deliver it, a real pleasure to be carrying to your town. We’re just trying to keep people from getting hurt. And I’m not necessarily talking about feelings.

And now that we’ve put that behind us here’s hoping you enjoy our exegesis on love, its limitations and the boundlessness of both. For those of you who hate tour diaries, but love this Substack know that the future may also hold a few more tour diaries but these will only be delivered if collectively requested.

Pre-mustache and leg tattoos. But post-felonious assault.

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Tickets for all of the following shows have live links and can be purchased HERE. Just scroll down to OXBOW and you’re in business.

Sep. 1, 2023: GLASGOW, UK, Broadcast

Sep. 2, 2023: BIRMINGHAM, UK, Supersonic festival

Sep. 3, 2023: LEEDS, UK, Brudenell Social Club

Sep. 4, 2023: BRISTOL, UK, Exchange

Sep. 5, 2023: LONDON, UK, Studio 9294

Sep. 6, 2023: KORTRIJK, BE, Wilde Westen

Sep. 7, 2023: BRUSSELS, BE, Botanique

Sep. 8, 2023: NIJMEGEN, NL, Merleyn

Sep. 9, 2023: TÉTANGE, LUX, Human's World Festival - FREE SHOW

Sep. 10, 2023: BOCHUM, DE, Die Trompete

Sep. 11, 2023: VIENNA, AT, Volkstheatre Rote Bar

Sep. 12, 2023: WROCLAW PL, Liverpool

Sep. 13, 2023: WARSAW, PL, Hydrozagadka

Sep. 14, 2023: BERLIN, DE, Roadrunners Paradise

Sep. 15, 2023: HAMBURG, DE, Hafenklang

Sep. 16, 2023: AALBORG, DK, Lasher fest

Oct. 20, 2023: PHILADELPHIA, PA, PhilaMoca

Oct. 21, 2023: PORTLAND, ME, SPACE

Oct. 22, 2023: BROOKLYN, NY, Elsewhere

Nov. 9, 2023: SAN FRANCISCO, CA, Great American Music Hall

Nov. 10, 2023: LOS ANGELES, CA, Regent Theatre

Nov. 11, 2023: SCOTTSDALE, AZ, Pub Rock

OK…here’s a big letter A…announcement…if you’ve already pre-ordered the memoir A Walk Across Dirty Water and Straight Into Murderer's Row, from Amazon? Or the Bookshop.Org dealie: Here?

You will now not get the book until OCTOBER 12, 2023.

There was some screw up, though it should be noted that it was not MY screw up. But there are a lot of moving parts in getting this monster out. In any case this is not about blame. It’s just an announcement.

So that’s the bad/drag news.

The GOOD news? Feral House is STILL planning on special, SEXY giveaways to accompany the book. Which you should STILL do the right thing and pre-order right now if you haven’t already done so.