The Talented Mr. Watson
Looking at 37 years in the stony lonesome alleged grifter and con man Carlos Watson's trial for all of the above starts THIS week. Popcorn optional.
Malcolm X. Martin Luther King. Annnnndddd…Carlos Watson.
I watched the video to the end because I had bet myself a substantial sum of money that by his defense video’s end Jesus Christ would be mentioned as well. Because who among us doesn’t see that they’re all peas in a pod…people who selflessly gave themselves to the greater good?
Yup. Jesus, Gandhi. AND Carlos Watson. Who, according to the Department of Justice is a “con man” who ran OZY “as a criminal organization rather than a reputable media company.”
Which is really only the tip of a much more gooned-out iceberg. An iceberg that reveals with every onion-like peel, to mangle a metaphor, facts that are even stranger than the ones that preceded them.
But moving backward through time we can see that the video itself is part of an extended legal stratagem that involves positing Watson — accused of conspiracy to commit securities fraud, wire fraud in connection with a scheme to defraud Ozy’s investors and lenders, and aggravated identity theft for his role in the impersonation of multiple media company executives — as a victim of both circumstance and racist conspiracy.
Spearheaded by retired Justice Shannon Frison, the only openly gay woman according to her, to have sat on the bench in Massachusetts and one of its only two Black jurists. You see, the defense’s case seems to rest on its belief that many do what Watson is accused of but that he was arrested and charged only because he’s Black (italics mine).
The man who couldn’t draw a crowd to OZYfest, was now going to mau-mau the courts with people who had a cultural and political interest in seeing “justice” done.
Who would know this better than the 54-year-old Frison who, herself, retired because “my life’s mission of seeking equal justice under the law is better served advocating for those unjustly accused rather than refereeing cases.” One year shy of qualifying for a pension, Frison left a dream job because she believed she was part of the problem, and not the solution.
In this she couldn’t have been more right: Frison was arrested while screaming “I’m a superior judge, you can’t arrest me!” The charges, as they unspooled, involved her beating up her partner, then chasing the fleeing partner who was holding their four-year old daughter with their car. So, yeah…she “resigned”.
Which left her with the time to defend Watson whose audacious strategy was announced via a fund-raising campaign, and then a series of videos pimping what they’re calling Justice Watchers. The Justice Watchers seem to be an attempt to pack the court with “supporters” who, in the interest of racial justice, will make their presence known.
The man who couldn’t draw a crowd to OZYfest, was now going to mau-mau the courts with people who had a cultural and political (and largely familial, based on the numbers of his relatives pictured) interest in seeing “justice” done. Which displays a certain kind of genius because the courts are biased. The FBI and the Justice Department have a long and checkered history with race in America.
None of which changes the fact that he and the very guilty COO Samir Rao were disguising voices in funding calls with Goldman Sachs, forging signatures on alleged contracts and, much more personally, taking PPP money meant to ameliorate COVID problems by not laying people off or cutting salaries, and then cutting my salary 19 percent.
“Your Blackness should not be used as a cloak,” said media giant Roland Martin on Watson who he described as trying to position himself as the “John Shaft of Black entrepreneurs.” Which is the most hilarious thing I’ve read this year.
So, yeah, I have a dog in this hunt, besides which the OJ Simpson, performative negritude bit, I find tedious. “Your Blackness should not be used as a cloak,” said media giant Roland Martin on Watson who he described as trying to position himself as the “John Shaft of Black entrepreneurs.” Which is the most hilarious I’ve read this year.
“Complete and total bullshit,” said Martin. “All of a sudden you’re going to make this a Black thing because your ass got caught?”
Precisely.
At one point it has been said that the Polish army attacked invading Nazi tanks while on horseback so I guess history is full of examples of doomed engagements and attempts to make them work no matter the cost. But while the Poles were valiant in their clearly misbegotten attempts to stop the Nazi menace, Watson’s take, his deeply, deeply cynical take, is the last arrow in his quiver of attempts to, at the very least, have his sentenced reduced.
While his two co-conspirators, COO Samir Rao and his Chief of Staff Suzee Han, realizing that the proverbial jig was up, pled guilty, Watson is planning to go down with guns blazing. Top o’ the world, Ma, indeed.
Antagonizing the Justice Department as racists, pushing for a dismissal of the case on the grounds that it was racially biased, a move that just failed, can all be loaded on the cart that includes stiffing OZY Genius award winners, along with your legal team.
Should Watson lose his case, is 37 years a proper punishment? Separating my personal feelings from my judicial ones I think I can say, 37 years to a 54-year-old man is a life sentence and there have been murderers who have served less time. However when considering the likelihood of re-offending I think the chances are exceedingly high with Watson. So a message needs to be sent that says, in no uncertain terms, that while you can bullshit some of the people some of the time, IF we catch you, you’re still going to be fucked.
“Have you ever been arrested?” Watson glared at me across his desk.
“Yes.” This was not a job interview. I’d already been hired.
“I’m asking if you’ve ever done anything that could embarrass me.”
“Every embarrassing thing I’ve done has been caught on video and is up on Youtube.”
“Have you ever been arrested for assault? Drugs? Anything that would embarrass me if Laurene were to find out before me?”
“False information to a police officer.” He cocked his head. So I answered his unspoken query: “I told the cops during a traffic stop that I was Abe Lincoln.”
Watson didn’t laugh but he waved me out of his office.
Now I know I said I’d never write about OZY again but could I just whistle past the graveyard on this one? As rich as it is…in dark humor, irony, hubris, hamartia and a grifter who is willing to ride his rocket of rue right in to both prison and the history books?
Yeah, no.
So on May 8, 2024, at 2:30 pm, in New York City, the trial and the mini-circus of Watson’s trial antics will begin as he has his day in court.
May the best man win.
Hahahahahahah…oh man…ok…nevermind…
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Maybe.