I sort of bought the whole Ian MacKaye thing. For at least a little bit. Having been predisposed to it as a result of all of the competitive bodybuilding I did, I was perfectly cool with No Smoking, No drinking and No drugs. Having been a disco dance instructor in the ‘70s and into punk rock in ‘77, it seemed old hat anyway by the time hardcore hit.
But No fucking, as laid out in Minor Threat’s whole “Straight Edge” deal, this was a harder sell. Or rather buy. I mean if they were laying out, a la Gang of Four, the idea of recasting sex between consenting couples as being, ideally, more a product of a deeply earnest, equal, nonexploitative and full-bodied exchange of something sort of erotic? I guess I got it. I guess I got that there were plenty of other reasons why someone naked might be in bed with me and that sex is entirely too central in our doings.
Getting it though, and being happy with what was gotten? Two very different things.
Things that always left me deeply conflicted since, at last check, I had no clocks at home that ran backward and if fucking is on the menu didn’t it behoove us to have at it?
This warring struggle ran me right through post-hardcore and when I ran across Lisa Suckdog, pre-Internet, I was conflicted. Her magazine Rollerderby was a blast and she could write. She also appeared on stage with a naked Frenchman who shit on carpets at house parties and flung his shit at attendees. I saw videos of this with my own eyes. And, oh yeah, her chosen last name was Suckdog.
I was conceived on a first date, date rape.
These were all somehow sexual pluses in my mind. But you know…Minor Threat. And something else…portions of her story that leaked out. First slowly and then more fully formed. Specifically about her father who pimped her out to his buddies for fucking when she was a child.
A strong cup of coffee and worthy of some serious consideration before stepping in her light. Not on account of squeamishness. Nothing as conventional as that. But if the misery scales are tilted so far down one way, why step up if you’re not sure you could balance them the other way? Something that no one can ever be assured of, really.
So decades after an acquaintance started via hurriedly scribbled letters, here we are. Lisa Suckdog reborn as Lisa Carver. With an A&E TV show about her discovering her fiancé having five other fiancées about to pop off, and vacationing in France as of this writing, could there be a better time/place for a FIVE EASY PIECES?
We’d guess not.
So five questions, five answers. None (sort of) about what the person is noted for. Enjoy.
[ONE] I’ve maintained over the years that there are only two categories of people with real problems: those with terminal illnesses and those abused as children. Everyone else has “difficulties”. As someone who was sexually abused how correct am I here?
LISA: Oh, I think everybody has real problems. Think about how boring life would be without them! But as my Botswana friend Swift says, “Complaining doesn’t pay my bills.”
Being sexually abused—or rather the lying and secrecy surrounding it—deprives a child of self-soothing and trust in one’s perceptions, but replaces it with other skills. Like a weird big sexual charisma, great salesmanship, works well in chaos, ambition that never sleeps and an electric energy. You come across as pretty evil and destructive, but if you manage to not kill yourself in your 20s or 30s, you emerge a brand new person with a lot of kindness, understanding, and patience.
[TWO] Is there a significant distinction between prostitution you did as an adult vs sex work?
LISA: Isn’t prostitution where some body part makes contact with someone else’s and sex work is with the intermediary of a screen or phone or pole? I don’t know Eugene, I don’t really see much of a divide between having a client you fuck or a client you do editing work for. You set the terms and then you do your best job, and it’s collaborative. I mean, do you look at your album producer as “just rent”?
I do have clear memories of him pimping me out, I assume in trade for other people’s children.
[THREE] You and I have spoken about this before but how did your mother factor into you being raped by your father?
LISA: I don’t have a clear memory of my father raping me, so maybe he never did. I do have clear memories of him pimping me out, I assume in trade for other people’s children. How my mother factored in is that another person may have seen what was happening and stopped it. But my mother was not equipped to face reality in any way. I think, from the way both of my parents talked about it, I was conceived on a first date, date rape. But that was a different era and my mother was very naive and didn’t have the language to understand that that’s what it was. My stepmother, too, didn’t figure out what my father was doing to me (or to her) until decades after the fact, when her new husband explained it to her, and she apologized to me, which meant a lot to me.
[FOUR] How have you found being a mother yourself?
LISA: I have found being a mother the most delightful and satisfying experience of my entire life, whether they’re babies or teens or adults. I really recommend it! For me at least, men come and go, identities come and go, money comes and money definitely goes, religion and philosophy and predilections weave in and out, but your children are the one thing you like and believe in the same every single day. It’s so reassuring. I found co-parenting pretty easy, but I don’t imagine the fathers and stepfathers would say the same about me, haha. I’m sure my experiences growing up made me distrustful and difficult toward men making any decisions about my children. But I also value so much what a father or stepfather can be, can mean, can do that I never can, and in the couple cases where I picked well I am quite grateful.
[FIVE] Do you feel like you’ve gotten your just rewards? Interpret that anyway you like.
LISA: Being alive is all there is. That’s the only reward and all the reward. Just as any pain fills anyone up no matter how big or how small, so it is with joy and wonder.