I wish I could "like" this about a hundred times, or so. I, too, am one of those mothers, daughters, friends, sisters that ended up being assaulted sexually - more than once - and whose attackers did not face any consequences for said actions. At 67, I'm not sure it'll change in my lifetime, but I am encouraged by writing like this. Thank you.
1) College: My one 98lb friend, J, became fall-out drunk at a party we were both attending. I tried to walk her out, but wound up having to fireman-carry her. On the way out, a fellow Resident Assistant (!!!) said “Damn man, you like it like that!?” I was like “Huh?” and he waved me off, shrugging “That’s okay, my brother is like that.” It took probably a full minute before I understood what he thought he was condoning.
2) College: My other 98lb friend, A, stole my vodka bottle one night, after a bad breakup, and left a note “I’m going out.” I frantically made my way into almost every frat house, finally finding her at an off-campus party, with some rando with his hands all over her on the dance floor while she was staggering, listless, with her eyes half-open. I walked right up and got in his face, and rather than the confrontation I expected, he just shrugged, smirked like a bad kid, and walked away like “Damn…so close…!”
3) At age 29, I got engaged, and announced it at work. I temp who I’d previously flirted with later caught me alone in my office, closed the door, and propositioned me - very graphically. Granted, she was hot, but I was still floating on my new engagement, and I also knew she was damaged goods. I told her no, but she kept going. As the minutes passed, it was all fun and games…until I began to realize that, with the door closed, she could later paint this picture the opposite way. So I got up, and she barred the door. I said something flattering and disarming, pushed past her with minimal contact, opened the door, and told her I was busy and to stop playing and get out. Okay, It was over, and my only lasting emotion was irritation. But looking back, I realized - had she been a man barring my door, and me a woman…I couldn’t have laughed it off, knowing the whole time I was fundamentally in no physical danger, and able end this exchange at will. That sh*t would have been TERRIFYING!! Even as it was, I was afraid to tell my fiancee for like a year, because I thought she would accuse ME, either because the woman was hot, or because I’d once flirted with her - by that time, MONTHS ago. Again - imagine how a woman would have felt in that same situation…
This stuff that goes on is a daily operation (shout out to Gang Starr), and it shouldn’t take a ton of life experience, morality, or imagination to figure it out.
I wish I could "like" this about a hundred times, or so. I, too, am one of those mothers, daughters, friends, sisters that ended up being assaulted sexually - more than once - and whose attackers did not face any consequences for said actions. At 67, I'm not sure it'll change in my lifetime, but I am encouraged by writing like this. Thank you.
I had three eye-opening incidents:
1) College: My one 98lb friend, J, became fall-out drunk at a party we were both attending. I tried to walk her out, but wound up having to fireman-carry her. On the way out, a fellow Resident Assistant (!!!) said “Damn man, you like it like that!?” I was like “Huh?” and he waved me off, shrugging “That’s okay, my brother is like that.” It took probably a full minute before I understood what he thought he was condoning.
2) College: My other 98lb friend, A, stole my vodka bottle one night, after a bad breakup, and left a note “I’m going out.” I frantically made my way into almost every frat house, finally finding her at an off-campus party, with some rando with his hands all over her on the dance floor while she was staggering, listless, with her eyes half-open. I walked right up and got in his face, and rather than the confrontation I expected, he just shrugged, smirked like a bad kid, and walked away like “Damn…so close…!”
3) At age 29, I got engaged, and announced it at work. I temp who I’d previously flirted with later caught me alone in my office, closed the door, and propositioned me - very graphically. Granted, she was hot, but I was still floating on my new engagement, and I also knew she was damaged goods. I told her no, but she kept going. As the minutes passed, it was all fun and games…until I began to realize that, with the door closed, she could later paint this picture the opposite way. So I got up, and she barred the door. I said something flattering and disarming, pushed past her with minimal contact, opened the door, and told her I was busy and to stop playing and get out. Okay, It was over, and my only lasting emotion was irritation. But looking back, I realized - had she been a man barring my door, and me a woman…I couldn’t have laughed it off, knowing the whole time I was fundamentally in no physical danger, and able end this exchange at will. That sh*t would have been TERRIFYING!! Even as it was, I was afraid to tell my fiancee for like a year, because I thought she would accuse ME, either because the woman was hot, or because I’d once flirted with her - by that time, MONTHS ago. Again - imagine how a woman would have felt in that same situation…
This stuff that goes on is a daily operation (shout out to Gang Starr), and it shouldn’t take a ton of life experience, morality, or imagination to figure it out.