The last conversation I had with my father was also at 19. It consisted of me screaming at him that if he ever fucked with my mother again I’d kill him. Oddly enough, our interactions ceased until his funeral 20 years later. Cleaning out his crappy apartment with my little brother, I realized that my primary motivation in life has been “don’t be your father”. You’ve come a long way from where you could’ve ended up, never forget that.
I love your stuff because it’s always very real. I’m sorry about your dad. I feel like you can’t really compare different peoples bad experiences on a crappy scale. It could always be worse. I spent a lot of years talking about my dad hoping to get to a place of no regrets. I feel like that’s as allusive as “no mind” is in meditation.
My mom died suddenly 2 weeks ago. We had a problematic relationship at best. My father died out in Cali and we didn't find out until a sister Googled his name. I've raised 2 kids and am really hoping I did better than my parents. Time will tell. At least neither of my kids was treated like the red-headed step-child that ruined their parents' lives! PS - plurals have no apostrophes. Just sayin'.
Agree with all of these observations. Sorry about your dad, but sorry in the way that “i’ve been through the same thing”. You living well is the best..well, you know the rest.
The last conversation I had with my father was also at 19. It consisted of me screaming at him that if he ever fucked with my mother again I’d kill him. Oddly enough, our interactions ceased until his funeral 20 years later. Cleaning out his crappy apartment with my little brother, I realized that my primary motivation in life has been “don’t be your father”. You’ve come a long way from where you could’ve ended up, never forget that.
I love your stuff because it’s always very real. I’m sorry about your dad. I feel like you can’t really compare different peoples bad experiences on a crappy scale. It could always be worse. I spent a lot of years talking about my dad hoping to get to a place of no regrets. I feel like that’s as allusive as “no mind” is in meditation.
Can I ever relate to the section on your "dad." I'd say that we both dealt with it about the same way, too.
loco solo
My mom died suddenly 2 weeks ago. We had a problematic relationship at best. My father died out in Cali and we didn't find out until a sister Googled his name. I've raised 2 kids and am really hoping I did better than my parents. Time will tell. At least neither of my kids was treated like the red-headed step-child that ruined their parents' lives! PS - plurals have no apostrophes. Just sayin'.
Agree with all of these observations. Sorry about your dad, but sorry in the way that “i’ve been through the same thing”. You living well is the best..well, you know the rest.